What better way to make return home from my 5 month trip then to surprise by Mom on her birthday?? I didn't book my return flight home until 5 weeks ago. I had been telling my Mom (and everyone else) that I would be home July 7th, while secretly my flight was booked for July 5th (my Mom and Brother's birthday). I actually didn't even want to tell my Brother I was coming home, but figuring my family had plans for the day, I knew there was no way I could coordinate where they would be and how I would get home. For the last 5 weeks my Mom has been asking over and over when exactly I was coming home and if I would send her my flight info. I kept giving her the run around, while secretly planning my arrival with my Brother and Sister.
Although I was reluctant to come back from my trip, as the plane began descending into Chicago I was extremely excited and nervous all at the same time - such a strange feeling... As my sister had promised, she arrived at O'Hare with a large Reese's Peanut Butter cup blizzard. :) It was delish! I was so happy to see Ashley and ironically enough, she was nervous as well. We debated back and forth whether Mom knew about my secret and wee plotted how I would walk make my grand entrance.
My mom was sitting on the back patio with her back to the door. I casually walked up behind her and just said, "Hey Mom! What's up?". She couldn't believe it! She immediately said that about an hour earlier at 12:30pm she had mentioned to my Dad that she hadn't heard from me in a few days and was wondering if I may show up early because when I left back in February, I had originally told her I would come home in July, most likely for her birthday. Ironically enough, 12:30pm is exactly when I touched ground in Chicago. Call it ESP or a mother's intuition, she felt my presence. Wild! Of course we had a great day catching up, relaxing in the sun, barbecuing, and eating cake (my sister even gave me a welcome home cookie). It felt so good to be back with my family again and I realized how much I truly missed them.
And for everyone else. I'm sorry I lied and said I wasn't going to be home until Wednesday. I needed a couple of days to spend with my family, ease in and slowly come back to reality, do a few errands, all without my phone blowing up. I guess you can say I'm sneaky like that... But I'm back!! So excited to have a summer off in Chicago, so excited to see everyone and catch up on the last 5 months. I will most likely continue to blog, as I still have so much to share. So keep checking back. You never know what sort of new adventures I have up my sleeve...
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Sunday, July 4, 2010
The Solitude of Sarah
You know that saying, "That which doesn't kill you only makes you stronger"? True Story!
So what exactly is Vipassana meditation? According to my books, it is a straight-forward way to achieve peace of mind and lead a happy, useful life. Vipassana means "to see things as they really are" and it's a process of mental purification throught self-observation. We all experience frustration and misery from time to time and tend to distribute it to others, which isn't a proper way to live. Vipassana teaches us to observe this reality and gain insight to the causes of our misery and helps us dissolve the tensions and unravel the knots to lead a more positive, balanced and happy life. Although it was practiced and taught by Buddha, it is not involved with any specific sect or religion and can be practicied by anyone.
I was so nervous going into the 10 day course. 10 days without speaking (lord knows that's a huge task for me), without any contact with the outside world, without any distractions, including music, exercising, writing. Could I do it??
After a day, there was no chance I wasn't going to document what I was thinking and feeling. My mind was crazed and figured this was all part of my journey and I had to write down what I was experiencing.
Here are some of my notes verbatim from my journal:
First Night
- The ambience of the meditation hall and the chanting that began the course literally had me convinced I was joining a cult and that I would be locked up and brain washed.
- One woman leaves
Day 1
- For as flexible as I am, this sitting is killing my hips..
- Acute awareness today (thought people were crazy when they talked about this) - the grass, the mountains, the trees, the flowers, the moss on the ground, the dew on the logs, the crickets and birds chirping, the moon and the stars. Everything seems so clear.
- So hard to concentrate
Day 2
- Freaking out/monkey mind. Should I leave? Is everyone else feeling the same way?
- Saw a beautiful peacock and wanted to shout to everyone to come look, but couldn't! LOL!
- I'm totally cheating by writing down my thoughts..- I absolutely hate washing my dishes in the dirty water everyone else is using. ILL!
Day 3
- I'm dosing off. Is that a good thing?
- Wondering if there is more to this. The old students don't budge for 2 hours, but they don't walk away looking extremely happy either. WTF?
- Want to shout out "Are we all crazy?!"
- Million thoughts running throughout my head. More than ever...About people and things I could care less about. My mind is even making weird things up.
- What if I can't meditate? Be patient.. I guess this is a good thing considering I never sit down.
- I'm not a quiter, so will stick this out.
Day 4
- Loving the weather, so warm and sunny.
- I can't believe how many ideas I've had in my head. Realizing things I do want and don't want in life. When wouldever really sit and think about all this w/ no distractions?
- Another girl left (4 total now)- Crazy ideas. Convinced myself I have a tumor growing in my stomach.. (it's not the 5 months of no excersing and eating crap). LOL!
- Maybe my next calling is a team mascot [I'm peppy, I love motivating people, I have tons of energy]?? OMG! I LOL to myself on that one.
Day 5
- Why can't I just let things go? Mind still racing. I know there is a silver lining.. - I can only meditate for an hour max. I don't have the attention span...isn't that the reason I'm here? Duh!
- Deep thought - If I died today, I would die happy. :)
- Still just having an apple, a banana, and popcorn for dinner. I've given up thinking we will get anything else one of these nights..
- desires = cravings = clinging = misery
Day 6
- Now going nuts that I can't follow through with all the thoughts and ideas I've had over the last 6 days. I'm way more creative than I thought..
- Plan to sell a lot of my things when I get home... Realizing what I don't need in my life. Ebay, here I come!- Saw a huge bug next to the girl in front of me in the meditation hall and couldn't even tell her! Try meditating with one eye open. NOT EASY!
Day 7
- Understand the technique. Really now just up to me to practice, but I've slacked and sleep in every morning. But this is about me. I've never slept so good. Not going to beat myself up about it...- Starting to feel really good after a week of eating healthy/vegetarian
- Tears of joy during the evening session. Whoa! :)
Day 8
- I'm over it. 7 days would have been a perfect amount of time. The next 3 days are going to be a struggle.
Day 9
- Broke the silence with less than 24 hours to go. Couldn't take it. Was well worth it. The girls in my house are amazing!
Billie-Mae plays the African Drum in a band that I have seen at a local bar a few times. I knew she looked familiar!!
Joana is half Portugese and half Indian, but was born in Mozambique. 22 years old and has the most fascinating stories. Her mom and step-day (both doctors) just realased a book last week called "Sex at Dawn". Pretty sure they will be on Oprah soon.
Nosipho is a mother of a 3 year old and has come to figure out if she wants to divorce her husband. I gave her some encouraging words. :)
Day 10
- Trying very hard to be quiet and secretive about our broken silence, but are so giggly. Wish I had more time with these girls...
- Broken silence FINALLY! The 2 people that sat on either side of me in the hall told me I fell asleep and was snoring on the first day. HAHA!
All in all a wonderful experience. Could have been a little shorter for sure. Maybe I didn't meditate as much as I should have, but I think I gained what I wanted. I learned to meditate, I detoxed my body, I relaxed with no interuptions for 10 days straight, I had so much time to think and reflect on my life. At the end of the day, I just confirmed what I've known for awhile. I'm so blessed, I have the most amazing friends and family, I've been so lucky to go on this journey, I've had the most amazing experiences, I've grown in more ways than I ever imagined possible, and I have absolutely noregrets in life. Oooommmmm.......
So what exactly is Vipassana meditation? According to my books, it is a straight-forward way to achieve peace of mind and lead a happy, useful life. Vipassana means "to see things as they really are" and it's a process of mental purification throught self-observation. We all experience frustration and misery from time to time and tend to distribute it to others, which isn't a proper way to live. Vipassana teaches us to observe this reality and gain insight to the causes of our misery and helps us dissolve the tensions and unravel the knots to lead a more positive, balanced and happy life. Although it was practiced and taught by Buddha, it is not involved with any specific sect or religion and can be practicied by anyone.
I was so nervous going into the 10 day course. 10 days without speaking (lord knows that's a huge task for me), without any contact with the outside world, without any distractions, including music, exercising, writing. Could I do it??
After a day, there was no chance I wasn't going to document what I was thinking and feeling. My mind was crazed and figured this was all part of my journey and I had to write down what I was experiencing.
Here are some of my notes verbatim from my journal:
First Night
- The ambience of the meditation hall and the chanting that began the course literally had me convinced I was joining a cult and that I would be locked up and brain washed.
- One woman leaves
Day 1
- For as flexible as I am, this sitting is killing my hips..
- Acute awareness today (thought people were crazy when they talked about this) - the grass, the mountains, the trees, the flowers, the moss on the ground, the dew on the logs, the crickets and birds chirping, the moon and the stars. Everything seems so clear.
- So hard to concentrate
Day 2
- Freaking out/monkey mind. Should I leave? Is everyone else feeling the same way?
- Saw a beautiful peacock and wanted to shout to everyone to come look, but couldn't! LOL!
- I'm totally cheating by writing down my thoughts..- I absolutely hate washing my dishes in the dirty water everyone else is using. ILL!
Day 3
- I'm dosing off. Is that a good thing?
- Wondering if there is more to this. The old students don't budge for 2 hours, but they don't walk away looking extremely happy either. WTF?
- Want to shout out "Are we all crazy?!"
- Million thoughts running throughout my head. More than ever...About people and things I could care less about. My mind is even making weird things up.
- What if I can't meditate? Be patient.. I guess this is a good thing considering I never sit down.
- I'm not a quiter, so will stick this out.
Day 4
- Loving the weather, so warm and sunny.
- I can't believe how many ideas I've had in my head. Realizing things I do want and don't want in life. When wouldever really sit and think about all this w/ no distractions?
- Another girl left (4 total now)- Crazy ideas. Convinced myself I have a tumor growing in my stomach.. (it's not the 5 months of no excersing and eating crap). LOL!
- Maybe my next calling is a team mascot [I'm peppy, I love motivating people, I have tons of energy]?? OMG! I LOL to myself on that one.
Day 5
- Why can't I just let things go? Mind still racing. I know there is a silver lining.. - I can only meditate for an hour max. I don't have the attention span...isn't that the reason I'm here? Duh!
- Deep thought - If I died today, I would die happy. :)
- Still just having an apple, a banana, and popcorn for dinner. I've given up thinking we will get anything else one of these nights..
- desires = cravings = clinging = misery
Day 6
- Now going nuts that I can't follow through with all the thoughts and ideas I've had over the last 6 days. I'm way more creative than I thought..
- Plan to sell a lot of my things when I get home... Realizing what I don't need in my life. Ebay, here I come!- Saw a huge bug next to the girl in front of me in the meditation hall and couldn't even tell her! Try meditating with one eye open. NOT EASY!
Day 7
- Understand the technique. Really now just up to me to practice, but I've slacked and sleep in every morning. But this is about me. I've never slept so good. Not going to beat myself up about it...- Starting to feel really good after a week of eating healthy/vegetarian
- Tears of joy during the evening session. Whoa! :)
Day 8
- I'm over it. 7 days would have been a perfect amount of time. The next 3 days are going to be a struggle.
Day 9
- Broke the silence with less than 24 hours to go. Couldn't take it. Was well worth it. The girls in my house are amazing!
Billie-Mae plays the African Drum in a band that I have seen at a local bar a few times. I knew she looked familiar!!
Joana is half Portugese and half Indian, but was born in Mozambique. 22 years old and has the most fascinating stories. Her mom and step-day (both doctors) just realased a book last week called "Sex at Dawn". Pretty sure they will be on Oprah soon.
Nosipho is a mother of a 3 year old and has come to figure out if she wants to divorce her husband. I gave her some encouraging words. :)
Day 10
- Trying very hard to be quiet and secretive about our broken silence, but are so giggly. Wish I had more time with these girls...
- Broken silence FINALLY! The 2 people that sat on either side of me in the hall told me I fell asleep and was snoring on the first day. HAHA!
All in all a wonderful experience. Could have been a little shorter for sure. Maybe I didn't meditate as much as I should have, but I think I gained what I wanted. I learned to meditate, I detoxed my body, I relaxed with no interuptions for 10 days straight, I had so much time to think and reflect on my life. At the end of the day, I just confirmed what I've known for awhile. I'm so blessed, I have the most amazing friends and family, I've been so lucky to go on this journey, I've had the most amazing experiences, I've grown in more ways than I ever imagined possible, and I have absolutely noregrets in life. Oooommmmm.......
The [Home] Sweet Home of Sarah
Reluctantly, I will be heading home this week. I can't believe how quickly 5 months has come and gone. It's not that I don't miss Chicago - the Cubs & Sox games, North Ave. Beach, Shopping on Michigan Ave., the street fests, and of course I couldn't forget all of my friends and family... It's just that 5 months really wasn't much time and I feel like I could go another 5 months. Just two small problems:
1) I promised my parents I would be home early July (plus, I'm pretty sure they are over taking care of my business, dealing with my mail, maintaining Joan Jetta).
2) I'M BROKE! As in waaay over spent my budget... But I wouldn't take any of it back and it was worth every penny.
As the # of days here dwindle, I do get more and more excited to be home. Plus, I'm just telling myself it's going to be a quick visit back. ;)
So here are the Top 10 Reasons I can't wait to be back to Sweet Home Chicago:
10. Reese's Peanut Butter Cups (I'm expecting my sister to have one of the giant sized ones, or better yet, a RBC blizzard waiting for me when she picks me up at the airport), Pizza (sorry, nothing compares to Chicago Pizza), Greek Yogurt & Blueberries, and Sushi (who's making the reservation at Coast? I'll bring the Wine!)
9. Staying put for awhile - although I'm sure I will be back and forth between the p's and the city...
8. Relaxing by the pool, reading the list of books I've made along my way, and reflecting on my travels
7. My clothes - will be like a brand new wardrobe again
6. Bikram Yoga
5. Figuring out what I'm going to do next in life (yes, I'm excited for this)
4. My bed
3. Summer in Chicago
2. My Iphone and being able to be in contact with anyone at anytime & always having internet access
All these things will be nice to have, but the #1 reason I'm excited to come back home:
1. Catching up with all my wonderful friends and family!
See you all soon! XOXO
1) I promised my parents I would be home early July (plus, I'm pretty sure they are over taking care of my business, dealing with my mail, maintaining Joan Jetta).
2) I'M BROKE! As in waaay over spent my budget... But I wouldn't take any of it back and it was worth every penny.
As the # of days here dwindle, I do get more and more excited to be home. Plus, I'm just telling myself it's going to be a quick visit back. ;)
So here are the Top 10 Reasons I can't wait to be back to Sweet Home Chicago:
10. Reese's Peanut Butter Cups (I'm expecting my sister to have one of the giant sized ones, or better yet, a RBC blizzard waiting for me when she picks me up at the airport), Pizza (sorry, nothing compares to Chicago Pizza), Greek Yogurt & Blueberries, and Sushi (who's making the reservation at Coast? I'll bring the Wine!)
9. Staying put for awhile - although I'm sure I will be back and forth between the p's and the city...
8. Relaxing by the pool, reading the list of books I've made along my way, and reflecting on my travels
7. My clothes - will be like a brand new wardrobe again
6. Bikram Yoga
5. Figuring out what I'm going to do next in life (yes, I'm excited for this)
4. My bed
3. Summer in Chicago
2. My Iphone and being able to be in contact with anyone at anytime & always having internet access
All these things will be nice to have, but the #1 reason I'm excited to come back home:
1. Catching up with all my wonderful friends and family!
See you all soon! XOXO
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