The Solitude of Sarah

You know that saying, "That which doesn't kill you only makes you stronger"? True Story!
So what exactly is Vipassana meditation?  According to my books, it is a straight-forward way to achieve peace of mind and lead a happy, useful life. Vipassana means "to see things as they really are" and it's a process of mental purification throught self-observation. We all experience frustration and misery from time to time and tend to distribute it to others, which isn't a proper way to live. Vipassana teaches us to observe this reality and gain insight to the causes of our misery and helps us dissolve the tensions and unravel the knots to lead a more positive, balanced and happy life. Although it was practiced and taught by Buddha, it is not involved with any specific sect or religion and can be practicied by anyone.
I was so nervous going into the 10 day course. 10 days without speaking (lord knows that's a huge task for me), without any contact with the outside world, without any distractions, including music, exercising, writing. Could I do it??
After a day, there was no chance I wasn't going to document what I was thinking and feeling. My mind was crazed and figured this was all part of my journey and I had to write down what I was experiencing.
Here are some of my notes verbatim from my journal:
First Night
- The ambience of the meditation hall and the chanting that began the course literally had me convinced I was joining a cult and that I would be locked up and brain washed.

- One woman leaves
Day 1
- For as flexible as I am, this sitting is killing my hips..
- Acute awareness today (thought people were crazy when they talked about this) - the grass, the mountains, the trees, the flowers, the moss on the ground, the dew on the logs, the crickets and birds chirping, the moon and the stars. Everything seems so clear.
- So hard to concentrate
Day 2
- Freaking out/monkey mind. Should I leave? Is everyone else feeling the same way?
- Saw a beautiful peacock and wanted to shout to everyone to come look, but couldn't! LOL!
- I'm totally cheating by writing down my thoughts..- I absolutely hate washing my dishes in the dirty water everyone else is using. ILL!

Day 3
- I'm dosing off. Is that a good thing?
- Wondering if there is more to this. The old students don't budge for 2 hours, but they don't walk away looking extremely happy either. WTF?
- Want to shout out "Are we all crazy?!"
- Million thoughts running throughout my head. More than ever...About people and things I could care less about. My mind is even making weird things up.
- What if I can't meditate? Be patient.. I guess this is a good thing considering I never sit down.
- I'm not a quiter, so will stick this out.
Day 4
- Loving the weather, so warm and sunny.
- I can't believe how many ideas I've had in my head. Realizing things I do want and don't want in life. When wouldever really sit and think about all this w/ no distractions?
- Another girl left (4 total now)- Crazy ideas. Convinced myself I have a tumor growing in my stomach.. (it's not the 5 months of no excersing and eating crap). LOL!

- Maybe my next calling is a team mascot [I'm peppy, I love motivating people, I have tons of energy]?? OMG! I LOL to myself on that one.
Day 5
- Why can't I just let things go? Mind still racing. I know there is a silver lining.. - I can only meditate for an hour max. I don't have the attention span...isn't that the reason I'm here? Duh!

- Deep thought - If I died today, I would die happy. :)

- Still just having an apple, a banana, and popcorn for dinner. I've given up thinking we will get anything else one of these nights..

- desires = cravings = clinging = misery
Day 6
- Now going nuts that I can't follow through with all the thoughts and ideas I've had over the last 6 days. I'm way more creative than I thought..
- Plan to sell a lot of my things when I get home... Realizing what I don't need in my life.  Ebay, here I come!- Saw a huge bug next to the girl in front of me in the meditation hall and couldn't even tell her! Try meditating with one eye open. NOT EASY!
Day 7
- Understand the technique. Really now just up to me to practice, but I've slacked and sleep in every morning. But this is about me. I've never slept so good. Not going to beat myself up about it...- Starting to feel really good after a week of eating healthy/vegetarian

- Tears of joy during the evening session. Whoa!  :)
Day 8
- I'm over it. 7 days would have been a perfect amount of time. The next 3 days are going to be a struggle.
Day 9
- Broke the silence with less than 24 hours to go. Couldn't take it. Was well worth it. The girls in my house are amazing!
Billie-Mae plays the African Drum in a band that I have seen at a local bar a few times. I knew she looked familiar!!
Joana is half Portugese and half Indian, but was born in Mozambique. 22 years old and has the most fascinating stories. Her mom and step-day (both doctors) just realased a book last week called "Sex at Dawn". Pretty sure they will be on Oprah soon.
Nosipho is a mother of a 3 year old and has come to figure out if she wants to divorce her husband. I gave her some encouraging words. :)
Day 10
- Trying very hard to be quiet and secretive about our broken silence, but are so giggly. Wish I had more time with these girls...

- Broken silence FINALLY! The 2 people that sat on either side of me in the hall told me I fell asleep and was snoring on the first day. HAHA!
All in all a wonderful experience. Could have been a little shorter for sure. Maybe I didn't meditate as much as I should have, but I think I gained what I wanted. I learned to meditate, I detoxed my body, I relaxed with no interuptions for 10 days straight, I had so much time to think and reflect on my life. At the end of the day, I just confirmed what I've known for awhile. I'm so blessed, I have the most amazing friends and family, I've been so lucky to go on this journey, I've had the most amazing experiences, I've grown in more ways than I ever imagined possible, and I have absolutely noregrets in life. Oooommmmm.......